Sorry folks, but I’m not going to be able to get a post out today. I’ve fallen into a plot hole.

There won’t be a post today, I’m afraid. I’m too busy living the dream. Look for one tomorrow!

I’m a bit busy for a post today - I have to disarm this bomb before it blows up and destroys this quaint little village. I only have half the code, too, and this guy I haven’t been getting along with has the other half, so we need to set aside our differences and work together to save the day at the last moment. It’s really quite inspiring.

I’m afraid I can’t get a post out today - I’ve lost my sense of smell.

There won’t be a post today - we’re temporarily out of stock. The post is on backorder and will be here as soon as it is available. We apologize for the inconvenience.

I can’t get a post out today, I’m afraid - I’ve lost all sensation in my extremities. My fingers are completely numb.

Sorry, can’t get a post out today. I’m serving a life sentence. Look for a new post tomorrow!

I’m not in a great position to write a post today. I popped a comically-large amount of popcorn and now I’m basically buried in it. Gonna have to eat my way out.

I’m a bit too busy to get a post out today - I’m training to be a stomp dancer.

Sorry, I can’t get a post up today - I have to defrag the blog.

I’m too busy for a post today. I’m making a Weird Al style parody of They Might Be Giants' song “S-E-X-X-Y” for the internet age. It’s called “S-R-S-L-Y”.

I have a secret identity as a massive internet troll - or I did, anyway. I recently got outed, and as a result I lost my job and a lot of my friends. I’ve got to rebuild my life - so there won’t be a post today. Look for one tomorrow!

No time for a post today. I got dragged to a wine tasting.

Is there any other food or drink where people who like it get together to not consume it? Nobody goes to a barbecue to spit out meat.

Anyway, that’s why I got completely drunk and was detained for a few hours, and thus don’t have time for a post today.

I was about to make a post, but duty calls - I see the Dan-signal up in the sky. Away I go!

Sorry, can’t post today - I’m on a magic carpet ride.

Just when I was sitting down to put a blog post together, I got a very scary email. Apparently, the text of my blog contains a zero-day exploit! I’ve got to patch it right away before it gets into the wild. I don’t want to have zero days! I want more than that.

So I’m gonna go fix that. Look for a new post tomorrow!

Can’t get a post out today - the old wizard sent me on a quest to save the world. I should be done by tomorrow, so look for a post then!

I’m not really sure how this happened - it may have been a freak translation accident - but my hovercraft is full of eels. I’ve gotta clean them out of there. This is gonna take a while, so I don’t think I’ll have a chance to get a post up today. Look for one tomorrow!

No time for a post today, it looks like. I have to write the Great American Novel. I’m a pretty great American, so if I go to the Great America park, it’s bound to happen!

I won’t be able to get a post out today. I have to do my rain dance.

Can’t get a post out today - I’m stuck on a trampoline. Well, technically, I keep getting off of it, but only for brief periods.

No time for a post today. I’m watching all the DVDs I’ve borrowed from friends so I can return them. Been hanging on to these things way too long!

Hey, folks. Doesn’t look like there’s going to be a post today. I’m eating this really big sandwich, and I don’t think I’m going to finish it in time to get a post up. I’d just stop, but I don’t want it to go to waste. Think of all the hungry children this thing could feed! There were some outside the store where I bought it. The look in their eyes will haunt me for days to come.

I don’t have time to write up a post for today. I’m joining all the social networks so I don’t fall behind on my friends' lives. There are a lot of them! Social networks, I mean. Or I guess I mean my friends, too! I have lots of friends. LOTS. Really!

Too busy to get a post up today, I’m afraid - my web browser bookmarks have gotten really out of control, so I’m reorganizing them.

I don’t think I can get a post out today - I am way too absorbed in this high-stakes game of jacks.

I don’t think I can get a post out today. I’m stopping and smelling the roses. Look for one tomorrow!

I can’t really get a post out just now - I’m caught in some quicksand. I don’t know why they call it that. I’m sinking pretty slowly.

I’m too busy to get a post up today - I’m dealing with my old email so I can get to Inbox Zero.

I’m not really in a condition to get a post out today. I’m being rebuilt - we have the technology. Better than I was before.

Might be expensive, though.

I’m afraid I can’t write a post today. Today’s post was a stretch goal reward for my buddy’s Kickstarter, and it didn’t get funded.

Today is definitely NOT Opposite Day. So there certainly WILL BE a post today, because I absolutely DID NOT get really confused while trying to NOT write it.

I’m a bit busy for a post just now. I’ve been dropping science all day. I’ve only just realized, and now I have to go clean it all up.

I don’t think I’m going to be able to get to putting a post together today. I’m marching to the beat of my own drummer, and man is that guy slow.

Sorry, there won’t be a post today - I’m on vacation!

I’m trying to get a post together, but I’m having trouble configuring my soundblaster. I can’t seem to get the port right, and there are too many IRQs, and the DMA has gone missing. It’s all very technical; I’m sure you wouldn’t understand.

I’m not really in a position to get a post out today. I stood too long in a “no parking” area and got impounded.

No time for a post today - I’m auditioning for a role in a TV show.

Hey, I’m a bit too busy to get a post up today. I’ve been chosen to host the Oscars this year, and I have to get my speeches and parody skit ready! Gotta do the Academy proud.

Listen - I don’t think I can get a post out today. I’ve come unstuck in time. Look for one yesterday! And then tomorrow. And then yesterday again.

I can’t get a post out today, I’m afraid - there was a fire drill.

Don’t think I can get a post out today. I’m being tested by a higher intelligence. Right now they’ve got me running through a maze. I’m really hoping there’s cheese at the end. I loves me some cheese!

I’m too busy for a post today. I’m putting together a mix CD. It’s not for anyone - it’s just for me, to capture the soundtrack of this era of my life. So I’ve got to get it done now, before the era rolls over to the next one! Look for a post tomorrow.

I don’t have a lot of time here - I was unfortunately caught in the crossfire of a poorly-aimed prank, and ended up eating a pizza that was heavily laced with laxatives. So I, uh - welp, I better get back to the bathroom. Look for a post tomorrow!

Sorry, I can’t get a post up today on account of my lame grandmother. Next time!

Doesn’t look like I’m going to be able to get a post up today - I’ve been devoured by a velociraptor. Look for one tomorrow!

A post, not a velociraptor.

I never advise looking for a velociraptor. That’s what got me into this mess in the first place.

Hey, sorry, but I can’t get a post up today - I am wholly consumed by an all-encompassing rage and fury. I was aiming for “slightly miffed” and overshot it a bit.

Sorry, I can’t put a post up today - I lost a bet. Look for one tomorrow!

I, uh… yeah. No post today. I’m just… depressed and listless and WHAT’S THE BLOODY POINT

I’m in no state to get a post up today, I’m afraid - I caught ataraxia from a coworker. People shouldn’t come to the office with such infectious conditions!