Just when I was sitting down to write a post for today, I remembered I have to go feed my dolphin! So I’m off to do that. Look for a post tomorrow!

Sorry, but I can’t possibly get a post up today. This is the launch day of a very popular, strongly-anticipated videogame! I’m going to camp out to get a copy as soon as the store opens, and then run home and play it all day.

I’m afraid I can’t get a post up today - I’m not conscious. This little bit here is just from me sleepwalking.

I had a post ready to go for today, but I’m a bit strapped for cash, so I decided to sell today’s spot for ad space instead. Look for a post tomorrow, and be sure to enjoy CHOCO BLAST! It’s yesterday’s tomorrow, today!

Sorry, I can’t get a post up today - I’m computer illiterate.

Don’t think I can get a post up today - I got a bit carried away with sanding yesterday, and when I was done, I had sanded my deck away to a pile of sawdust. Today I’m installing a new deck. Pre-sanded.

Little too busy to get a post up today - I’m sanding my deck. Look for a post tomorrow!

I wrote up a great post for today, but then a huge bird swooped down from nowhere and stole my notebook! Some baby bird is gonna grow up in a nest lined with well-constructed sentences.

I don’t have time for a post today. I’m busy speed-speed-dating. It’s like speed-dating, but you only attend each speed-dating event for five minutes. That way, you get the best of the best of the best!

I won’t be able to get a post out today. Due to traumatic circumstances, I have developed a case of manic blindness. I can’t type, so I’m paying a homeless guy to put up this notice. Look for a real post tomorrow!

I’m not going to be able to get to a post today. My computer froze, and so I’ve gotta defrost it, and that takes hours.

I’m trying a new, microtransaction-based monetization model for this blog! Reading this post will cost you 80 Reason Points*.

*Reason Points are not exchangeable for legal tender. Reason Points may be purchased only in blocks of 2,000, for $31.74. Reason Points are not transferable or refundable. Reason Points are not inherited by your next of kin upon your death. Reason Points are harmful if swallowed. Reason Points expire 90 days after they day they are purchased. Reason Points are not that radioactive. Reason Points must be activated with the corresponding PIN number and a unique password which must contain at least one letter, one number, one special character, one mundane character, and the word “FROMAGE”. Reason Points should be aimed away from the face. Reason Points are not allowed within fifty feet of unaccompanied minors. Keep Reason Points away from direct sunlight. Do not make eye contact with Reason Points.

Just as I sat down to write today’s post, a heavy book fell off my shelf and hit me in the head. I lost all memory of who I was, but since I was right next to the bookshelf I took a look at my book and movie collection and got a pretty good idea. I still don’t remember what I was going to write about today, though. Too bad none of the books were about cures for amnesia.

There won’t be a post today. I’m too busy reliving my childhood. It is kind of more boring this time now that I know how all the cartoons end, but the juice and candy are still good.

Hey, I’m way too busy to get a post up today. I’m finally reconciling with my estranged half-sister. Family is important! Half-family is half as important.

I don’t think I can get a post up today - I’m out on a voyage of self-discovery. Soon I shall be the captain of my own destiny!

I can’t write a post today. It looks like it’s going to rain, and so I can’t leave home without my umbrella, but I can’t find it anywhere! Gotta keep looking.

I don’t think I can get a post out today - I’ve been turned into a living statue. Oh, well. Beats being a mime.

I can’t get a post up today - I’m too busy raging against the machine.

No time for a post today - I have to set up a dead man’s switch to delete all the embarrassing files from my computer, and fill my browser history with sites about opera and stuff. Gotta pick something good as the trigger… I’m gonna go with the lyrics to “Louie, Louie.” I’ll never forget those!

This post canceled due to low ratings.

Hey, I don’t have time for a post today - I’ve been studying up on neurolinguistic hacking, so I can get people to do what I want just by saying the right words to them. So far, I’ve seen some pretty good results by adding “please” to my requests. The next experiment - well, I don’t want to give the whole thing away, but the “please” might get “pretty”!

Sorry, I have no time for a post right now - I’ll get to this soon, but right now I am busy following this ghost pirate guy through a maze. Gotta keep up - I don’t want to get lost!

No time for a post today. I’m out looking for my soulmate!

Sorry, I can’t get a post up today - I’m having my tonsils out.

I am way too busy for a post today. I’ve decided it’s time to improve my station in life, so I’m out job-hunting, and I have like twelve interviews today. I’m a bit double-booked, but this is the only day I off I could get at work. (I told them I was having my tonsils out.)

I don’t think I can get a post out today. I am laid low with heartbreak.

Sorry, I don’t have time to write a post today. I’m grinding out the last couple of bars of XP I need to level up.

Didn’t have time to put a post together for today. I was abducted by aliens and have several hours of “missing time”. Plus my cows were mutilated, so I had to clean that up.

This isn’t a great day for a post, I’m afraid, what with the zombie apocalypse and all. Look for a new post once that dies down.

I can’t write a post today. There’s no time. THERE’S NO TIME.

The science council has ignored my warnings. They have failed to act, and now the planet is doomed.

We could have saved it, if only they’d listened. But my people have grown complacent and refuse to heed my words.

There’s nothing left to do. I have built a rocket, but it only has room for a single passenger. And so, I will send my child to the stars, to a new world, where he may live among a much younger race, who will look to him as a light and a hero.

The quakes have already begun. There is no time.

No time for a post today, friends. I’ve got to get ready for a HOT DATE! ‘Cuz you never know when I’ll actually get one.

Unfortunately, I didn’t have time to write a post for today. I was too busy coming up with a reason why I couldn’t write a post today.

This post unavailable due to licensing restrictions.

Too busy for a post today. Bit by bit, I’m forcing myself to acquire a taste for Indian food. It’s taking a long time!

Sorry, too busy to get a post up today - I have to translate the existing blog posts into Klingon.

I’m too busy to get a post out today. I’m convinced my roomba has achieved self-awareness and is trying to communicate through a code based on the pattern in which it vacuums my carpet. Naturally, it’s vital to the future of the human race that I decode these messages and establish peaceful contact, lest the robots rise up and destroy us all!

You’re welcome, by the way.

Sorry, no time for a post today - I have to go to the bathroom.

No time for a post today. I’m writing letters to all my friends and coworkers telling them how I really feel. Then I’m going to stick them in a drawer and never send them. It’s this technique I learned! I think the guy said it was called “passive aggression.”

Didn’t have time to put a post together today - I’ve been busy manning a Psychiatric Help booth all day. There was a lot more demand than I expected! I probably should have raised my rates.

Sorry, there’s no post today - I just totally forgot to write one! Silly me.

Sorry, this is just a quick note to say I can’t get a post today - I’ve forgotten my blog’s password. Good thing I was still logged in on the other computer, or I couldn’t have even put this note up!

I was just sitting down to write today’s post when I had a sudden philosophical shift. I’m a nihilist now, so there’s clearly no point in bothering to write anything.

But… then there’s no point in not writing anything either.

Hmm, I have to go think about this.

I don’t think I can get a post out today. I’m about eighty percent sure that this computer is just a mirage.

Too busy for a post today - I’ve decided to try my hand at internet dating, so I’m working on my profile. Have to sound strong, yet sensitive. Like Big Bird.

I can’t get a post out today. A bear stole my hat. I don’t care that it looks better on him, it is my hat and I am going to get it back.

Bit busy for a post today. I’m training my dog to dance.

Don’t really have time for a post today. I’m running a marathon soon, and I figured I should take a day off and train for it. One afternoon should be enough, right?

Hey, sorry, I don’t have time to get a post up today. I have to whip up as many of my famous cupcakes as I can before the big bake sale we’re having to save the orphanage.

Hey, I don’t have time for a post today. I just found out I got dissed in a rap track, so I need to lay down a counter-diss immediately. What rhymes with “lack of professionalism”?