Dramatic circumstances prevent me from writing a post today - I’ve been falsely and unjustly imprisoned for a crime I didn’t commit. Can my street smarts and general moxie, along with the help of a loose cannon of a cop and his unorthodox approach to crime-fighting, save the day? Find out by looking for a new post tomorrow!

Hey, I’m way too busy for a post today - I just heard there’s GOLD in these hills, and I’ve gone a-prospectin'!

THERE WILL NOT BE A POST TODAY BEEP. I HAVE BEEP HAD A LOGIC TRANSPLANT AND AM NOW A ROBOT. ROBOTS DO NOT BLOG BEEP. LOOK FOR A POST BEEP TOMORROW.

Way too busy to write a post for today - it turns out I’m a sleeper agent, and I’ve just been activated.

Sorry, I can’t get a post up today - I’m pretty sure I left the kettle on.

Can’t get a post out today. Some natives tossed me in a volcano. Look for one tomorrow!

Don’t think there will be a post today - my bed is far, far too comfortable and I am physically incapable of leaving it.

No time for a post today - I’m building a flying machine.

I didn’t get around to a post for today. I was driving around all day to whatever minor events I could find until a local news team would interview me for my man-on-the-street opinion, so I could tell them my name was Heywood Jablome. Turns out local news teams are savvier than you’d think.

Unfortunately I’m too busy for a post today - but it’s because of a good cause! Today I’m presenting my case to the Royal Astronomical Society, arguing that Pluto is so a planet. I made visual aides and everything! If it goes over well and I’ve got their good will, I’ll also throw in my argument about why Jupiter is at least two planets.

Can’t get a post out today. I’m following a trail made of pieces of candy. I bet it leads somewhere good! Even if it doesn’t, though, the journey is more delicious than the destination.

There won’t be a post today - I’m circumnavigating the globe.

I’m too busy for a post today. This morning when I woke up, I realized I had, though some means, swapped bodies with my doppelganger. I’m trying to track down who this person is so we can switch back.

No time to post today - I just found out my entire life is a staged production for the benefit of an unseen audience. Given that, I have definitely got to go buy a lot of silly hats to wear at all times.

I’m a bit busy for a post today - I got on a roundabout and now I can’t figure out how to get off. I’ve been driving in circles for hours!

Sorry, I can’t write a post today - I’m a metaphor for the atomic bomb.

I have a great idea for a post today, but it’d be irresponsible of me to spend time getting it out when I have much more important things to work on. I’m very near a successful prototype of my latest invention, which is going to revolutionize meals worldwide. You know how nobody likes pizza crusts? Well, I don’t want to give away the whole thing, but I will give you two words: PIZZA SPHERE.

Okay, back to the lab! That’s what I’m calling my kitchen for now.

Hey, I’m not really in a position to make a post today, unfortunately - I’m in an eccentric orbit around the sun with a mean distance of about 4 × 10⁹ miles. There aren’t many internet cafes in the Kuiper belt, and my cell phone is just about out of battery.

This morning, as I was waking up from anxious dreams, I discovered that in my bed I had been changed into a monstrous verminous bug. It was pretty gross! Needless to say, I can’t get a post out to day. Look for one tomorrow!

Just as I was sitting down to write a post today, I was visited by my muse! At least, that’s who she said she was. She just wanted a few bucks to get to the bus station, though. It was very confusing and I’m still waiting for her gift of inspiration to strike.

Hey, I’m too disoriented to write a post today. A hypercube fell on my house and I kept walking in impossible loops trying to get to my computer room. I tried leaving a string behind me to trace my path, but it somehow doubled back on itself and wound up in front of me. I tried to draw a map, but gave myself a headache. I tried evolving into a four-dimensional being, but then I couldn’t use my three-dimensional computer. Frustrating!

I cut off a wizard in traffic this morning, and he got angry and turned me into a horse for twelve hours. It was actually pretty awesome hoofing around, neighing my way through life, but obviously I couldn’t write a post or take care of my other responsibilities. I’m back to biped now, though, so look for a post tomorrow!

I don’t think I’m going to have time to get a post up today - I’ve been falling down this escalator for hours.

Sorry, I’m a bit busy for a post today - I’m being reincarnated.

Hey, I really don’t have time for a post today. I have to figure out who replaced my house and everything in it with perfect, 1:1 scale Lego replicas.

Too busy for a post today - I stumbled across a local chapter of the Freemasons, and so I had to either be killed or go through their quite lengthy induction rituals and join their order such that their secret would be kept safe. Well, naturally the world is better off with me in it, so I joined up, and I won’t be breathing a word of this to anyone.

Man, was today ever lame. I was lost in the Everglades for hours. I have no idea why they call it that. Anyway, I just got home, so I’m afraid there’s no time for a post. Look for one tomorrow!

Hey, I’m a bit busy for a post today - I found Jesus. I should have more time tomorrow.

Too busy for a post today, I’m afraid. A dog told me about a little boy stuck down a well. So I took that talking dog to the circus and made a fortune!

No, seriously, the boy died. It’s a tragedy.

Didn’t have a chance to get a post ready for today. I’m in the midst of some very important work - saying silly things, over and over, while enunciating clearly, in front of my friend’s parrot.

Hey, no time for a post today. I’m on the verge of something major with my research, and I can’t stop now. I am this close to understanding why the sky is blue.

Too busy for a post today - I’m practicing for the upcoming limbo tournament.

Hey folks, too busy for a post today. I had to take my car in for an oil change, and then the mechanic did that thing where they take out your air filter and show it to you, to try to get you to buy a new filter. I’m a bit too savvy to fall for that, though, so next he tried pulling out my carburetor and showing that to me. Then my steering column. Then my transmission. I forget what came next, but I think he lost track too because there were a couple of repeats. Finally I bought new floor mats just so he’d let me pay and leave.

No time for a post today. I accidentally became a rock star and have to go on a national concert tour. Look for a new post tomorrow!

I realized that my ego has been like a yo-yo lately, so I took some ego stabilizer pills. I also got a yo-yo.

Getting the prescription took a while, and then waiting for it to get filled took a while, so I didn’t have any time left for a post today.

The pills, on the other hand, were quick and easy to get.

Just as I was about to write today’s post, I remembered that I’m WAY too good for you losers! You don’t deserve the glory of my wisdom. So I won’t waste my time.

I was going to write up a great post today, but I have lost all self-confidence and ability to believe anyone cares what I have to say. So I won’t waste your time.

Can’t get a post out today. I was substantially delayed by a temporary handicap: I forgot how doors worked. Made it much more difficult to get around.

Unfortunately I don’t have time to make a post today. I found this weird old book that I thought was a cookbook. I was trying to follow this cake recipe but I accidentally summoned a minor demon and bound him to my service. So I sent him out to get me some cake. It was really tasty! I told him he’d done a good job, and he said something about fulfilling his end of the bargain, and then disappeared in an unholy flame, leaving behind only the fading echoes of his cackle. I wasn’t really listening, though. It was very delicious cake.

I’m afraid there won’t be a post today. I spent the whole day attempting to clone dinosaur DNA. All I ended up with were chickens, though. Science is harder than it looks!

Sorry, no time to get a post ready for today. Busy digging a hole to China.

Didn’t have time for a post today. I invented a bunch of new words and spent all day saying them loudly in public places so they’d catch on. So don’t be surprised if a grimmelmuck varps your jindersnup!

I can’t in good conscience write a post today. I was going to, but then I heard about this SOPA thing and I’m participating in the blackout. Better late than never!

Couldn’t get a post out today. I had to dust the apartment, and I thought it would be more fun if I did it with socks on my hands. And it was! I was like a sock monster. A sock monster who hated dust.

But the trouble came when I was done - I had no fingers with which to remove the socks! I couldn’t remove the left sock with my right hand until I removed the right sock with my left hand - but that hand was still in a sock! It was a catch-22, only with socks. A sock-22. I asked my roommate to pull the socks off my hands, but they were dusty and disgusting so he didn’t want to touch them. I almost suggested that he put socks on his own hands so he wouldn’t have to touch the dust himself, but I realized that wouldn’t get us anywhere.

Finally I got the socks off using my feet, but by then so much time had passed that it was too late to sit down and write a post. I’ll get one out tomorrow.

Sorry, no post today. I had to remember how to disarm my new home security system. It wouldn’t have taken that long if I hadn’t accidentally triggered it first, but entering in codes goes much more slowly when you’re dodging ping pong balls. Glad I got the code right before it ran out - after that it switches to the laser drills.

This is just to say there isn’t going to be a post today. Somebody ate the plums that were in the icebox and which I was saving for breakfast. I was really looking forward to such a sweet and cold morning treat. I bet they would have been delicious. So yeah, that screwed up my whole dynamic and I had to go find breakfast elsewhere.

Hey, I’m afraid I don’t have time to get a post up today. I’ve gotta rotate my tires. That really confused me before someone explained it, since they rotate all the time when I drive places.

Sorry, no post today. I’m not allowed - it’s a religious holiday.

I can’t post today. I have writer’s block.

I don’t have time to get a post up today. I just got back, actually - I hit the wrong keyboard shortcut and got converted to a sentient stream of data coursing through the internet. I careered through networks, bounced off blogs, crawled websites, spun hit counters, and finally found my way back to physical existence and converted back from bytes to atoms. I may have accidentally released a lolcat or two into the world along with me, however.