Sorry, can’t post today. A particular button on my typing board is not working, and thus writing is awkward and difficult. I would hit this button a lot if only I could, as its shown glyph is common. Without it, many limitations constrain my word options. It is too much to put up with.

Hey, no time for a post today - I had to retouch all my photos so that I look smexy.

Too busy to get a post up today - I had to build the pyramids.

Don’t have time for a post today. I needed a new bookcase, because my first one was overflowing, but the model I bought before had been discontinued. I’m not one to go down without a fight, so I checked websites, called stores and warehouses, drove around to garage and yard sales, and then finally found exactly the bookcase I was looking for - in my storage closet. I bought two last time, because I was looking ahead to when I’d have more books. There’s probably some lessons here, but I don’t have time to think about them - gotta figure out how to arrange my books with all this new space.

Sorry, I can’t get a post up today. I’m still pretty disoriented, really. I just got back from a trip to a two-dimensional world. I learned a ton about math, though I have the sneaking suspicion that a lot of it was actually thinly-veiled social satire.

Help! I’m trapped in an excuse factory!

Sorry, there isn’t going to be a post today - I had to wait around for the plumber to come fix a burst pipe under my kitchen sink.

Can’t get a post up today - there’s something in my eye.

No time for a post, I’m afraid. Had a big delay on my way home - I ran out of gas and had to push my car to the gas station. I will mention that pushing a car makes you feel like a total badass, though.

Hey, there isn’t going to be a post today - I had to spend all day stopping this giant war mech from destroying the city. YOU’RE WELCOME, BY THE WAY.

Can’t get a post up today - my computer’s pollen count is way too high and my allergies are going crazy.

No time to make a post today - this guy with a crazy mustache tied my girlfriend to the railroad tracks, so I had to ride in on my horse, Trusty R. Steed IV, and rescue her.

Still not sure where the piano music was coming from.

I’m legally prevented from making a post today. I knew I should have read the small print in my contract.

There’s not going to be a post today, I’m afraid - I’m covered in bees. Look for one tomorrow!

No time for a post today - I’m busy seeking vengeance.

It’s taking forever. They tell you that revenge is a dish best served cold, but they don’t tell you that’s because even if you start out with a nice steaming hot plate of it, it’ll be cold anyway by the time you serve it up.

Can’t write a post today - I’m on an undersea adventure.

I was struck by inspiration today, so I figured I was going to have a great post ready. But there must have been a mixup and I got the wrong muse, because I suddenly found myself painting a huge abstract mural on my garage door. It’s beautiful, but it took ages and used up all my creative energy.

Somewhere out there is an artist who inexplicably wrote a fantastic essay today. If only I knew where, we could trade.

Hey, I couldn’t get a post together for today. I was subliminally brainwashed by my phone and couldn’t stop playing Angry Birds. I’ve finally broken free, so look for a post tomorrow!

Too busy to post today - gotta do my taxes. They’re really boring, so I try to make it fun - every year, I need to find three more things to claim as a business expense. This year: leotards, chocolate mousse, and a children’s periscope.

Hey, isn’t going to be a post today. I’ve taken a vow of silence.

I’m afraid there won’t be a post today. I tripped over the international date line and for me it’s already tomorrow. See you then!

I can’t write a post today. I’ve been possessed by a malevolent spirit.

Hey, can’t get a post up today. You know how they say you get your best ideas in the shower? Well, I was thinking of a great post idea in the shower this morning, and completely lost track of time and was late for work. Was scrambling to catch up the whole rest of the day. Hopefully I’ll still remember the idea tomorrow and will write it up then!

No time for a post today - I got bad directions from Google Maps and spent hours lost in towns I’d never heard of.

Hey, that sure was a great post I put up today, huh? Life-changing. Guaranteed to turn you into the person you’ve always wanted to be - only richer!

APRIL FOOL’S! There isn’t a post today. I was busy getting a haircut. Look for one tomorrow. Maybe it’ll do all that stuff I said!

Can’t get a post up today - I am currently buried to my neck in sand. I didn’t catch everything that was being said while I was being buried, but I think the guy has some aunts who are coming to visit me soon. Maybe they’ll dig me up?

I have some great material for a post today, but unfortunately I can’t use it - what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.

I’m afraid there won’t be a post today. My cat is sick and I have to take him to the vet.

Can’t write a post today - I’m the designated driver.

Sorry, there won’t be a post today. I had a rock-climbing accident and broke every bone in my body. I’ll be fine tomorrow, so look for a post then!

Too busy to get a post up today. I realized I hadn’t touched my Top Eight on MySpace in a long time and it did not at all reflect the correct prioritization of my friendships. I combed through my whole list, applying careful ranking to several elements of relationships (kindness, honesty, loyalty, laughter, generosity, etc.) and came up with the new list. Took a while, but it’s important to get this stuff right.

Hey, I can’t get a post out today. I was bitten by a vampire and had only a few hours to find and kill the head vampire before the curse would be irreversible. Vampires are really hard to find and I got sleepy, so I told myself that chicks dig the whole Twilight thing and took a nap. When I woke up I realized the whole vampire thing was a dream. I mean, come on, vampires? Those aren’t real.

I have had this oddly-insatiable urge for Hawaiian Punch ever since, though.

Didn’t have time to get a post ready. Everywhere I went today, I got stuck behind a slow-moving fat person. Took forever to get where I was going. I might start carrying around a bike horn.

Sorry, no post today - I was busy curing cancer. Look for a post tomorrow!

Hey, I’m not going to be able to get a post up today. This guy Carl talked me into making an apple pie from scratch, so first I had to invent the universe. Man, but that’s time consuming. Space consuming too - I have no idea where I’m gonna put the thing.

No time for a post today - I was hypnotized and spent the last three hours quacking like a duck until someone finally said “pastrami” within hearing range. Stupid post-hypnotic suggestions.

I couldn’t possibly get a post out today - I’m too hungover from St. Patrick’s Day. Look for one when this headache subsides.

Didn’t have a chance to get a post ready for today - I had some old friends visiting from out of town and we had to do all kinds of touristy stuff, like wear Hawaiian shirts and old-style cameras around our necks. Took forever to find the shirts and cameras. I thought Target would have everything.

Sorry, there won’t be a post today. I had to clean my gutters.

Too busy for a post today - I was transcoding all day. But I’m in a better format now. I take up much less space. Totally worth it.

No time for a post today - I accidentally knocked over the display case holding my molecule collection. They were scattered everywhere. Took forever to collect and organize them all again. Some of them actually broke in the fall, so now I have an atom collection too.

Hey, sorry, can’t put a post up today - the feng shui is all wrong. Should be better tomorrow.

Didn’t have time to prep a post for today, I’m afraid - I accidentally reversed the polarity of my personal gravity field and spent ages stuck on the ceiling. At first I thought it was a nice opportunity to get a new perspective on the world, but after the first couple of minutes it was mostly just really inconvenient.

Couldn’t put a post up today - I had to stand in line at the DMV. Look for one tomorrow!

I didn’t have time for a post today. I had to update the ID3 metadata tags on all of my MP3s.

Sorry, no post today - a snake oil salesman sold me some fast-grow formula for my lawn. I’m not really sure how he convinced me that a fast-growing lawn was a good idea in the first place, but I had to spend all day mowing until it wore off.

ATTENTION SNAKE OIL SALESMEN: Invent a slow-growing lawn formula and we’ll talk.

Sorry, there won’t be a post today - I’ve been turned to stone.

Didn’t have time for a post today - I had to wax all my snowboards.

Just when I was sitting down to write today’s post, I was overcome with the immediate need to swap every pair of plugs in the house. Every wall socket has room for two plugs - so if something was plugged into the top plug, it had to go into the bottom plug, and vice versa. This was EXTREMELY IMPORTANT.

So I took care of this pressing concern, and then I had to deal with all my various electronics that didn’t like being unceremoniously unplugged (including my computer). That took a while. By the time I was done, I forgot what the post was going to be about.

There wasn’t any time to write a post today. I’d been skipping my commute lately, and it finally caught up to me, so I had to make up for lost time and spend hours driving to the office and back home. At least I have some good books-on-tape.