Hey, didn’t get a chance to write up a post today. I was walking to my car when I was “discovered” by a fast-talking talent seeker. I’m not really sure what happened but I think I modeled a line of designer men’s earmuffs. All I really know is I came out of it six hours later with a check for three grand. Not bad for a day’s work. Even if I didn’t get to keep the earmuffs.

Didn’t have time to get a post up today, because I spent the whole day in doctors' waiting rooms. Those are the most aptly named rooms in the entire world. No false advertising there!

Sorry, don’t have the brainpower to put a post together today - I am deathly ill. Here’s hoping for a speedy recovery!

Hey, couldn’t get a post together for today. The latest episodes for all my favorite TV shows were about to expire on Hulu, so I had to watch them all.

Too busy for a post today - had to shampoo my carpets. Look for one tomorrow!

No time for a post today - I had to rearrange my seashell collection. It was sorted by size, then color before. I don’t know what I was thinking. Now it’s sorted by color, then size. Much prettier.

Hay, eye can’t right uh post today. Aye bumped my head and lost the ability two distinguish homophones. I better weight till this clears up. Sea ewe.

Hey, I was gonna get a post up today, but I had a power outage. So I stomped around bored for a while, and then rediscovered books and the outdoors. Pretty soon I tried to commune with my spirit animial. But that turned out to be Philosoraptor, so then I missed computers and the internet again.

Sorry, no post for today. I was gonna write one up, but my internet connection appears to be down. Yup, no internet connection at all. Can’t reach the blogging website. So I threw up this little note to explain. Maybe tomorrow I’ll be able to connect to the site again and will be able to put up a post.

Hey gang, I wrote up a great post for today, but when I went to type it up I realized I had written it in disappearing ink! (Stupid Ron, switching my inkwells…) Anyway, here are the words I managed to recognize before they faded entirely: organized, truth rhombus, and responsibilituning (that’s a new term that I coined, but I forget what it means).

Just as I was about to sit down to write a post today, I got an email from my future self! He said that under NO CIRCUMSTANCES should I write a post today, lest a terrible fate befall me and the entire population of Delaware! I think I have a cousin in Delaware or something, so I better not write one today just to be safe. I’ll write it tomorrow instead. Future Me said that was fine.

Unfortunately there wasn’t time to put a post together today - I had a bunch of milk that was about to go bad, and I had to drink it all. And it takes a while to drink milk - the human body can only take in lactose so quickly.

Sorry, no post today - I accidentally put my shirt on backwards this morning.

Didn’t have time to get a post together today. I was trapped in a gravity well. Fortunately, Space Lassie alerted the authorities and I was rescued.

I was about to write a post for today, but I wanted something to snack on to fuel the ol' brain cells while I wrote. And somehow, I hadn’t noticed that I was getting low on food, and today I discovered my larder completely empty! I went on an epic Grocery Quest to restock my pantry, and now I’m confident I could survive being snowed in for a month. Didn’t leave me much time to write, though, so that’ll have to wait until tomorrow.

Just when I was about to sit down to write a post for today, I got challenged - and I never back down from a challenge - to a game of Russian Roulette with a cake gun. Took forever to get the frosting out of my hair. When I was finally done with that, I didn’t really have time for the post anymore. Look for one tomorrow!

Hey, didn’t have time for a post today - I was busy reconstituting my mortal form.

Sorry, no post today - I was trampled to death by muskrats.

I spent today trapped in an alternate dimension. It was just like the normal real world, but everything was double-reversed - like it was flipped and then reflected in a mirror. As if that wasn’t weird enough, everyone was talking like their voice was a backwards recording on rewind. I finally managed to get back home, but I didn’t have time left to write a post.

I was too busy to get a post together for today. I had to realign the warp coils and optimize the plasma conduits. I’d been putting it off way too long and we were in serious danger of a core breach. Getting vaporized is bad enough; it’s worse when it’s due to your own laziness.

Sorry gang, no post today. Someone tricked me into singing the song that never ends, and I got stuck.

I tried to get a post ready for today, but I wasn’t able to. I had promised a friend I’d go with him on this visit to Amish country. I figured while he was helping them raise a barn or milk some animals, I’d use my laptop and write up the post. But my battery was almost dead, and there wasn’t anywhere to plug in. And I don’t think they even have wifi.

I did pet a cow, though. That was kind of cool. If stinky.

My plans to write a post for today were derailed. I got arrested and spent the night in a jail cell. The charge was apparently “drunk and disorderly,” which is garbage. I was very orderly. I was even wearing a top hat! Though I do admit I have no memory of where I got it, or why the name “Egglebert” was stenciled into the brim.

Didn’t have time to put a post together for today. I was waxing my car, and then I started thinking about the whole Mr. Miyagi, “wax on wax off,” Karate Kid thing. My mind kinda wandered and next thing I knew I had taken fourteenth place in a Karate tournament. I’m still not sure what happened to my car, though.

Hey, no time for a post today. I was trapped in some madman’s death trap for hours. He was trying to take over the world, or destroy it, or something. He did explain, in laborious detail, what it was he wanted to do, but I wasn’t paying much attention. I had to maneuver this crystal that I could just barely reach with my left foot in order to refract this slowly-moving laser beam and burn through the restraints holding down Blimpy, the trained gorilla who’d been helping me out. Once he was free and had access to his banana gun, he busted me out and we got the hell out of the secret mountain lair. Blimpy was running because he’d set the self-destruct mechanism behind him; I was running because after being chained up for all that time I really had to pee.

I had a fantastic post written up for today, but on my way to post it I ran into a mysterious man who offered me seven magic beans in exchange for it. Well, I don’t know much about beans, but I know enough to know that when you get offered magic ones, you say yes!

Later I realized I misheard him. They’re jelly beans. But they taste just like buttered popcorn! That’s pretty magical, if you ask me.

Was gonna get a great post out today, but my blog wouldn’t let me start writing when I wanted to. I had to update the firmware.

Sorry, there isn’t going to be a post today. I did a little off-roading in my car and got stuck. It was hours before I managed to get back on the road and finally get home. Look for a post tomorrow!

Hey, no time for a post today. Had to do my vacuuming. Did you know that the British call it “hoovering”? It’s like a mix between “hovering” and “goofing”. I have to laugh whenever I vacuum, just thinking of it as goofy British hovering. It’s like, “Crikey, mate!” whirrrrrr…

I thought I’d be able to squeeze in a post today, but I had to attend this wedding and it went a lot longer than I thought. I also might have had a little too much to drink. I don’t remember much of what happened after I lead the conga line into the open sewer.

I was too busy to write a post today. I had to sit motionless for hours so some guy could paint my portrait. It was SO BORING. He should have put a TV behind him so I could watch it. I don’t think that would be too much of a distraction. It doesn’t take too much concentration to sit motionless.

Can’t write a post today - they’re renovating my apartment complex and the construction noise is driving me crazy at my keyboard. Gotta get away from that.

Sorry, I didn’t have time to write up a post - I was in meetings all day. So much talking, and so little listening. It’s such a waste. I guess I should let other people get a turn to speak next time.

Hey gang, no post today. I’ve got a sinus infection and I need to rest up and have plenty of fluids and not blog things. Hopefully I’ll be healthier tomorrow!

Sorry, no post today. I just didn’t have time. This guy on one of of the forums I frequent made this comment about World War II that was just way off base. It was really bothering me, this pile of inaccuracy sitting out there, polluting the world. So I had to do some research and put out some corrections with the proper citations. My first duty is to the truth!

Hey, didn’t have time to write up a post. I was engulfed in flames, like, all day. That seriously messes with one’s schedule. I’ve been doused, so look for a post tomorrow!

Hey, no time to write up a post today. I was busy being helping Ron pull a prank on the new guy - I was the lookout while Ron did something to the new guy’s computer. That Ron is so funny!

I wrote up a great post for today. It had everything! It was the best post ever! It was totally going to change your life.

And then I woke up.

It was all a dream! And all I could remember from the post were scattered phrases like “captain of your own destiny”, and “master of the paster,” and “butter on the cat.” And I think He-Man was helping me write it, and he kept wanting to put in jokes about Man-At-Arms being a wuss.

I was totally going to write up a great post today, but - I’ve got jury duty! Time to do my civic duty. My blogular duty will have to come next.

I know there was supposed to be a post today, but somebody swapped my keyboard layout to Dvorak. I spent all day figuring out how to switch it back.

NOT FUNNY, RON!

I had a great post all written up, but then I went and lost it in a poker game. Bad beats, my friend, bad beats.

Couldn’t get a post together today. Just way, way too thirsty. Look for one tomorrow!

Hey, I can’t make a pist today. There’s too much glare on my scren and I can’t see what I’m typing. It was hard engh to get this up without tyupoes - I couldn’t possiblt get through a whole post. Timirriw!

Hey, no time for a post today. I was stuck on the moon. There’ll be one tomorrow!

Sorry, didn’t have time to put a post together for today. I was coming up with band names all day. They’re so easy and fun to think up! Just take a couple of words and toss “and the” in between and you’re ready to rock. Bovine and the Couches! Aqua and the Waters! Slingback Joe and the Hearty Hearty Handshakes! I can practically hear the guitar solos already.

Hey gang, no time for a post today. I had to attend my grandmother’s ballet recital. Gotta support the arts, right? I’ll write up a post tomorrow.

Sorry, but I can’t make a post today. I was competing in the Yodelmeisters' annual tri-state Yodel-Off, and I wound up losing my voice. (Kids, remember - don’t be a hero; do your vocal warmups!) Hopefully it’ll be back by tomorrow.

Hey, no time for a post today. I couldn’t find my towel and had to go looking for it. As Douglas Adams teaches us, you can’t do anything without your towel! (Haha! 42! Haha!)

Sorry folks, no time to write a post today. One of my chakras fell off and I had to realign my chi. Tomorrow!

Not gonna be a post today - I had to do all my laundry. And I mean all of it. Didn’t have time to write a post after that - look for one tomorrow!